So I attended a graduation ceremony yesterday.
I had a lot more written, but it’s impossible not to sound racist when describing what happened there, so I made some bullet points and included a photo my sister took. Needless to say, it was at once uncomfortable and gleefully anarchic. Some of what happened was just weird. WEIRD.
-Police chief was in attendance. So were lots of uniformed officers. Lots of police. Surrounding the perimeter.
-Every time the principal asked the crowd to hold their applause until they’ve called all the names, at least four people in the crowd responded, “Nooooope.” or just let out a short airhorn blast.
-When the principal introduced her intern to accept a plaque commemorating her work at the school, a lot of the crowd could be seen cocking their heads to the side and muttering to the person next to them. This could be because the principal’s intern was about the same age as the principal (mid 50’s?) and LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE HER. Same weird, short-cropped, choppy haircut, same height, same glasses. Same face, pretty much. From where we were sitting (not that far away—maybe about 75 feet), they could be the same person. Weird.
-There was a moment where they called a name—let’s say it was “John Smith III”, and then they called two more names, and then “John Smith IV”. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one in the audience who, for just a second, thought that someone had graduated with his son. If you were there, you would have, too, you racist.
-The above photo. You have to give him credit for showing up. I’m sure there are tons of people who attend graduation ceremonies everywhere wearing one of those, but it added to the general gonna-get-stabbed-iness of the whole affair.
-And finally, your valedictorian, Chardonnay.
